


One For the Cause

by C4ssbutt



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, End of S4, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, References to Depression, Season 4 Spoilers, description of depression, or generic, pre-slash klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 20:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12395319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C4ssbutt/pseuds/C4ssbutt
Summary: Team Voltron discover what Keith was going to do in the battle for Naxzela and demand to know why. Keith and Lance have a heart-to-heart, emotions are revealed.





	One For the Cause

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first voltron fic, and my first go at an angsty plot, please be nice. My tumblr is stilinskis-24.tumblr.com if you want to come and chat about season 4.

The paladins of Voltron, as well as the Blade of Marmora, had made it back into the Castle of Lions as the rebel fighters were busy docking after the battle for Naxzela. The group were stood in a tight circle discussing Lotor’s proposition. They didn’t know what had provoked such a bold move from the prince of the Empire and were reluctant to engage in any kind of deal with him, never mind a full alliance. Just as they were discussing what to do their attention was diverted by the doors of the castle as they opened and none other but Matt Holt, rebel officer, came storming in. He had his eyes set on Keith and seemed to be furious,

“What the hell did you think you were doing?!”

Everyone’s eyes shifted to Keith, not knowing what was going on, and expecting an equally angry response. However, no such response came,

“I don’t need a lecture, Matt”, Keith’s tone was calm, perhaps even tired, as if he didn’t even possess the energy for whatever conversation Matt seemed to want. This only made Matt more frustrated,

“You’re an idiot! Can’t you see that what you were doing was ridiculous?” Matt seemed to lose his strength half way through and by the end of his outburst sounded more worried than angry. His question finally provoked a response from the paladins.

“Matt, what are you talking about? What did Keith do?” This was Shiro, his confusion mirrored that of the other paladins as they wondered what could have possibly happened to produce this level of emotion from such a light-hearted person about someone he’d only just met. Matt looked to Keith and narrowed his eyes,

“Are you going to tell them or should I?”

Keith fidgeted. Shifting from one foot to another and avoiding all eye contact with his teammates. He thought about what they might say, about how disappointed they would be when they found out he had almost jeopardised the team…again. Keith didn’t want to have to deal with their disappointed faces, didn’t know how to. Lately they’d been so mad with him and he just wanted to help them win instead of putting them in danger. Matt’s reaction seemed so over the top, especially as he didn’t even know Keith. He didn’t know how badly Keith worked in a team, didn’t know how much of a loner he was. Finally Keith sighed,

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Matt”

This fuelled the fire in Matt once more, “you don’t… damnit Keith, how about telling your teammates here that you nearly got yourself killed flying through the forcefield barrier of that Galra ship!”

This caused an outburst of disbelief from the paladins,

“You did what?!” 

“Tell me you didn’t Keith”

“Are you stupid!”

“What happened?” 

“Why would you do that?” 

Keith rolled his eyes and braced himself against the onslaught of criticism coming from the group. Once they had stopped shouting, he took a deep breath and opened his mouth to explain.

“It was the only choice. That planet was going to blow and we needed to get through that barrier. None of our fire power was enough, I was in a Galra fighter jet and I thought it would be enough to force my way through. It was the best plan we had”

There was stunned silence in the group, no one knew how to react. Keith had expected a lot of different reactions, but stunned silence surprisingly wasn’t one of them. He knew he had made the right call and he would do it again in a heartbeat. If it wasn’t for Lotor appearing at the last minute and making the shocking decision to shoot his own, Keith would 100% have gone through with his plan to save his friends and the entire star system. He looked at each paladin in turn, expecting to see anger at his plans to destabilise the team temporarily, but he couldn’t quite place the expressions he was seeing. Keith gasped and looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder,

“Keith, buddy, you can’t just go trying to sacrifice yourself whenever you see an opportunity,” Lance kept his tone light but the severity of the words rang clear. Keith didn’t know what to do. He was stunned at the words but also that they came from Lance, an unexpected beacon of wisdom and assurance. He didn’t understand it, why were they unhappy with him? This was a thought he voiced aloud,

“I don’t understand why you’re all being so dramatic. This was the most pragmatic solution and I was ready to take it. I was just trying to help!” 

Keith looked at the floor, this time it was Shiro’s turn to step forward,

“Keith, no one is saying that it wouldn’t have worked. What we’re saying is we didn’t want you to take that risk in the first place. We would have found a way to win regardless.”

“Oh so now you’re saying that even then I’m useless, great!”

“Keith no one is saying that,” Hunk stepped forward, “we’re saying we don’t want to lose you, especially not over one battle”

Keith was stunned. He was so busy thinking about the mission that he hadn’t stopped to consider that the other paladins would be bothered if he sacrificed himself. He looked at them all once more, Shiro looked worried, Pidge had tears in her eyes, even Lance looked sad. He wondered what he had done to deserve friends like these.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” Keith stammered.

“Why would you think that sacrificing yourself was a viable option?” Pidge’s voice was thick with tears and her frail tone pushed Keith to actually think of an answer.

“I guess I just wanted to do something useful for once instead of constantly putting you guys in danger. You have your 5 paladins now, I’m no longer needed on this team and I guess I just got so into the ‘victory or death’ mindset of the Blades and the Galra… I’m sorry Pidge, I didn’t mean to upset you, I guess I’m doing that a lot lately.”

To Keith’s surprise, Pidge threw her arms around him and squeezed tight,

“I just wish you would stop thinking of yourself as so worthless,” she let go of him and stepped back to look at his face, “just because you’re currently not flying a lion doesn’t make you any less a part of this team. We need you Keith, and you need us however much you try to hide it.”

All the paladins nodded in agreement but it was Allura who spoke, “Pidge is right, you are a valuable asset to this team Keith, and a great friend. To lose you would be devastating to all of us. Please do think more carefully about your actions.” 

“I’m sorry guys, I’ll think more carefully next time.”

Lance eyed Keith suspiciously as he refused to meet the eyes of any of his teammates. It wasn’t like him to just give in like that and Lance was positive he was hiding something from them. He figured it would be just like Keith to say something he doesn’t mean to get the team off his back and tomorrow he’ll be back to fighting recklessly and being a jerk. As Keith left the room, Lance turned back to voice his opinion to the others to find that they had already returned to discussing Lotor. Content to save his concern for later, Lance filed it away in the back of his mind and went back to strategizing. 

* * *

The paladins, plus Coran of course, had settled in the lounge area to have some food together after several hours of theorising Lotor’s plans. None of them could understand the sudden change of heart from the prince himself and it refused to sit right with any of them. Currently, Shiro, Lance and Allura were willing to hear his argument whereas Hunk, Pidge and Coran believed there was no chance in hell that he was being genuine and wasn’t going to betray them the first chance he got. It was at this stalemate that the paladins first realised they had not seen Keith since his confession, nor had he joined them for dinner. Although this wasn’t unusual of him, it unsettled the group because of the recent revelation. Once an apparent agreement had been made and Matt had returned to the rebel group it had seemed awkward to bring the matter up again and all the paladins had deemed it best to leave Keith to himself for the night. Lance had his concerns about this plan as he believed Keith probably wasn’t in the best frame of mind and probably needed someone even if to just sit in silence with. Lance knew that’s what he wants when he’s doubting himself or feeling insecure and he was plenty used to doing it for his siblings back home. With this thought in mind, Lance grabs another portion of food and sets off on a hunt for his teammate.

First stop was to check Keith’s room. It was only down the hall from Lance’s so he was familiar with the castle’s corridors and doorways to get there. Lance had only seen the inside of Keith’s room once but what he saw genuinely saddened him. He thought that Keith’s room looked so bare and impersonal, not fitting for your home away from home. He believed that if he was going to be spending all his time here in the castle floating in space now he may as well make his room homely. Keith hadn’t done that at all. His room contained the bare essentials and nothing more, but then Lance supposed it wasn’t like Keith spent a lot of time there; even less time now with both the Blade and Voltron. After checking but failing to find Keith in his room, Lance moved on to the only other place he knew Keith would be… the training deck.

Keith, for some reason, spent so much time out on the training deck; way more time than any other paladin, even Shiro. Lance didn’t understand, when he was already the best fighter and pilot, why Keith felt he had to constantly train. As Pidge would say, he really is a loner. As expected, when Lance arrived at the door to the training deck he spotted Keith going through the warrior simulators as efficiently and unemotionally as ever. Lance decided to just watch for a minute before entering and giving Keith the food he had brought. It seemed that Keith was on approximately level 4 of the exercise and Lance didn’t expect him to carry on much longer… boy was he wrong.

What seemed like an eternity later, Keith was still going – fighting more of the simulators than Lance had ever seen at once. There was something troubling about the scene, however. Where Keith was normally an intelligent, sharp fighter who barely ever missed a beat, Lance could tell that the blows he was dealing at this moment were sloppy, emotional. That was weird, Lance had never seen Keith emotional when fighting – hell, Keith wasn’t very emotional at all. It looked as if he was… panicking. Lance continued to watch him, having been stood in the doorway for a good half hour unspotted, until Keith had a very near miss with the simulator’s weapon. At this point, Lance rushed in,

“Woah, woah Keith! Are you ok? You have to be careful!” Lance approached where Keith was laying on the floor, panting heavily with his blade still in hand. Lance knelt down at his side and discarded the plate of food on the floor behind him.

“Lance, what are you doing in here?” Keith snaps, meaner than he intended. Lance noticed his tone but ignored it in favour of checking if Keith was ok. 

“You shouldn’t push yourself so hard¸ I’ve never seen you train for so long before. What you’re doing is dangerous to yourself, Keith.”

“You’ve never seen me because I normally do it when you’re all asleep. I need to train, Lance. I need to be the best. It’s more dangerous to be unfit and bad at fighting.” 

“You’re already the best, Keith. We all know it, you don’t need to do this. I’ve never seen you like this before, so reckless.”

“Aren’t you the one who called me a hothead?” Keith huffed a laugh.

“Do not try to make this into a joke right now Keith,” Lance’s tone was deadly serious, “I’ve had just about enough of you trying to throw your life away by putting yourself in unnecessary danger.”

“I’d say you sound like my mom but… I wouldn’t know,” Keith smirks. 

“Ok what has gotten into you? You’re being so unlike yourself, please talk to me,” Lance’s eyes were pleading and, if Keith wasn’t mistaken, there were slight tears forming. This sent Keith over the edge.

He knew he hadn’t been acting like himself he just didn’t think Lance would be the one to call him out on it. With all the time he had been spending away from Voltron he just assumed, maybe hoped, that no one would notice; they all called him the moody loner anyway, he thought they would think it was more of the same. He just didn’t have the energy to pretend he was fine anymore and so pulling away from the team was the only solution he had to prevent himself from becoming an emotional burden on the others. The Blade of Marmora trials give him a rush of adrenaline in an otherwise quite numb existence. Keith knew that this was dramatic but it was how he was. Nothing felt worth it anymore until he began doing these missions, things he was good at. Not like piloting the black lion. 

“I’m just…tired, Lance.” His voice cracked where he didn’t mean it to, making him sound even weaker than he felt. Where this had annoyed Keith, it had softened Lance,

“Oh, Keith. You can talk to me, you know? I won’t think any differently of you.” 

Keith felt like Lance had somehow developed mind reading powers and, to be honest, he didn’t think that it was very fair. However, as had been happening to him more than he would have liked, his emotions got the better of him once more and a single tear ran down his face. Seeing this un-Keith like behaviour, Lance broke protocol, surged forward, and grabbed Keith in a hug. This small, unexpected action released a floodgate and Keith couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“I’m just so bad at this. You’re all so good to me and all I ever do is hurt you. You’d be better off without me,” he hiccupped, tears still running down his face – it was easier to talk like this when he didn’t have to look at Lance’s pitying expression, “I’m not good enough for Voltron. I thought I would get better but I’m just a burden. At least the Blade of Marmora all know they’re second to the mission. You’re all so caring and want to help everyone and I just can’t do it. I can’t, Lance. Maybe sacrificing myself is the best contribution to make to this team and –“

“You can stop that right now. No one is sacrificing themselves, you can’t think like that.” Lance could feel his own tears welling up but forced himself to be strong for Keith.

“It’s true though, Lance. I still believe in what I was going to do in that battle, I’d do it again in a heartbeat so that all of you are ok. I just get so damn protective of you all, you’re the only family I’ve ever known. Whatever I can do to help you, I’m going to do. You’re all more important than me, it’s my job to protect you, especially as a Blade.” His tears had calmed now with his belief in his words, releasing Lance he sat back and wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry I cried on you, won’t happen again,” it was as if his walls had shot back up so fast it gave Lance whiplash, Keith had done an emotional 180°and it was hard to keep up.

Trying hard to dampen his frustration, Lance tried to reach Keith. “Why can’t you see that no one is asking this of you? You think you’re worth less than us and it’s ridiculous! We’re a team, we protect each other. What do you think our jobs are if yours is to look out for us? You don’t have to carry this alone Keith, we’re here for you. Like Pidge said, we need you and you need us. You don’t have to hide your emotions, you can talk to us…to me. Everyone has their down days.”

“You just don’t get it! Everyday feels like there’s someone sat on my chest, crushing me until I can’t breathe. My mind is clouded with darkness and sometimes I get so lost in my own head I can’t connect with anything, or anyone. I am constantly paranoid and my hands shake all the time. The only time I don’t feel like this is when I’m on a mission because I feel useful. There I said it. Are you happy now? I sure don’t feel any better.” Lance didn’t know what to say, so Keith carried on. “I don’t tell people these things because it doesn’t make any difference. It just leaves me and whoever I tell feeling generally shitty and helpless. I don’t need pity, Lance, what I need is a job and a goal to carry me through. I am not meant for Voltron, I can’t do it. So instead, I do what I can with the Blade. Yeah I feel lonely as fuck but it’s better than sitting on my ass waiting for an inevitable end in some distant corner of the universe. You are all destined for great things, so let me help you get there the only way I know how.”

Lance realised he was holding his breath and release it in a sigh. He had no idea that was how Keith was feeling, none of the team did, and now he had no idea how to help. He felt guilty that he pushed Keith but at the same time, he needed to share this with someone and he was never going to do it voluntarily. Carrying around these feelings is not healthy; Lance struggled with his own insecurities and anxiety and sharing them with Keith as he had helped him to feel lighter. He had felt like he could go to Keith but clearly Keith hadn’t felt the same. This, Lance had to ask.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me this sooner? Or at least tell Shiro?”

“You’ve all got your own problems, why should I burden you with mine? I know you’re struggling being out here Lance, you’ve got enough on your plate right now.”

“But that’s just it. You know I’m struggling because I felt I could come to you and share it. Why couldn’t you do the same? You’re willing to listen to everyone else’s problems but you never share your own.” 

“Because no one else needs to know! I listen to you all because I care about you, I want to help you. I was so glad you came to me that day because I wanted to be someone you could trust.”

“So what, you don’t trust us?” This time it was Lance’s voice to crack. He couldn’t bear the thought that Keith felt like he was fighting alone, that he didn’t trust the others. Lance thought they were all like family, that they could trust each other implicitly. 

Keith sighed, “that’s not what I meant, Lance. I trust you all to the ends of the universe but there are somethings I’m not good at. Sharing things is one of them, you know this.” 

“I wish the moment that Keith admits he isn’t perfect at everything was a happier one,” Lance had a small, sad smile on his face, “just promise me you’ll think better of yourself in future, and not be so goddamn reckless?.

“I’ll try.”

“Keith –“ 

“Lance, I’m being sincere. Trying is the best I can offer you right now. You have shown me that maybe I am worth more than I think and I genuinely will try but I won’t always get it right. There are times that I will sink back into negativity and that’s ok as long as I try my best again to get out of it. Although I have a strong suspicion that you will be there to drag me out,” Keith matched Lance’s smile with one of his own. 

They both got up from where they were sitting on the ground. Lance paused to look at Keith properly; his eyes were still red from crying but he looked better than when Lance had found him. In a bold wave of confidence, Lance pulled him into another hug. Keith chuckled lightly and wrapped his arms around him in return,

“Bold move, McClain. Is this becoming a thing now?” There was a cheek in Keith’s voice that had not been there in sometime and Lance welcomed the teasing.

“Shut up, Kogane. I brought food for you but it’s probably cold now. Let’s go to the kitchen and see if we can bribe Hunk to cook again.”

“Wow, food and a hug? I’m honoured”

Lance laughed as they headed toward the door. He wasn’t sure if Keith was ok but he knew he would be there for him in the meantime. They all had their issues and leading the good fight was a lot to handle. He just hoped that Keith realised that what they had found here was worth living for. Being amongst the stars did wonders for perspective and Lance had a new perspective of Keith. Being the only one who knew how he was feeling would be tough but Lance vowed to himself to never shy away from Keith’s emotions and need for help. He knew that Keith would do the same for him, already had in fact. As he looked at Keith as they walked down the hallway, he prayed to the universe to look out for this kid who was trying his best, who had his head lost in the galaxies but his heart right here, at home.


End file.
